#01. The One Where We Get Pokémons.
Does.. does this count as an online interaction?
Same ol' gang. Same ol' logo. Wouldn't be the same if it didn't show up.
starring David Tennant!
And.. I'm not sure who that is.
Or these two? Who runs like that.
WITH SPECIAL GUEST STARS
CHILL PENGUIN, THE GREAT A'TUIN AND SON GOKU
Spikey haired Anime, check.
Oh well at least he's friendly.
Aw hell I am not going through th-
Welp, here again.
Ok does anyone care about the intro at this point. Its the same one since 1996 and I've already done it three times prior.
The difference is its this gentleman instead of the familiar Prof. Oak. Don't get me wrong I shit on the Hoenn and Johto professors all the time but Rowan is pretty awesome as far as Pokémonologists go.
A Pokémon Professor.
closer bonds with them.
Pokémon they live here. They eat things and shit all over the place. Got it? Good. You gotta deal with that a lot.
God bless the government and its pointless grants
We can trust him. Yes.
Condom hat or dapper beret. You all picked condom hat. I can't say I'm surprised you picked the condom hat.
THERE. DID I PICK GIRL ENOUGH YET?
....He definitely looks like a Jorge.
Gonna discover the same things I always discover except this time some goddamned Doctor Who shit happens and Eevee can evolve into two other little fuckers for weirdos to obsess about.
Intro done? Good. Sick of that intro.
I wish we had cable.
Where else would I be?
"Ever since I broke you guys's antennae with that football y'all don't get any of the good channels. You missed a good Flipper last night by the way."
FOCUS, JORGE. FOCUS.
You were gonna mooch off of an established scholar who lives the next town over.
I know he's gonna end up in the hospital again after this, gonna be there to see it this time.
...GOD I HATE MY LIVING CONDITIONS. I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.
Aye. He does that.
Petty extortion/kidnapping got him all fired up again. Just like anything else that enters his mind. Soda, falling leaves, funny-shaped rocks.
Oh.. you went back to the tv. Sure.
...I know. We've been living here for 10 years now and I still can't leave the town because horrific monsters will immediately attack, maul me then wrap my entrails around a tree. We've established this, we all saw it happen to the Thompson kid a few years back. I never wanna see that again.
You know I really don't think they're that expensive. I bet some people just give them away.
Choro Notes: Twinleaf Town. There's absolutely nothing of interest here save for a minor, next-to-useless hidden item later. North is route 201 which leads to Lake Verity to the West and Sandgem Town to the East. Interesting quirk little nugget of trivia, its japanese name: Futaba Town. Futaba might be known to some internet users as 2chan, the Imageboard 4chan is based on.
I can never tell if you've knocked yourself stupid enough to not remember me.
..leaning towards the last remark now.
Sure isn't you you poor overworked, dead-inside woman.
....Jorge, it's the next town over. You're not exactly climbing Mount Coronet.
Choro Notes: Route 201 is your standard early game route. You got your rat monster and your tiny bird monster. Hot damn. Music:Route 201 (Midday)
Not everyone has the energy of a dodrio.
You forget our constant warden in this desolate wasteland of boredom.
...the grass you idiot.
Oh dear, please go on.
So... your brilliant plan to avoid running through the tall grass. Is to run through the tall grass? My god that's brilliant! This is why you're the smart one.
Somebody's gotta video tape this~
He's got a Rock Head and Quick Feet, does that count?
He lives the next town over, he was probably doing something like going for a walk. It's like what you do but a fifth the speed.
Yeah, we could go to the next town over an buy things. Things we like.
BUT THOU MUST!
Yea sure, anything that gets someone like me out of somewhere like this is cool in my book.
BUT THOU MUST!
Sugarbeets here thinks that running through tall grass is an acceptable alternative to running through tall grass. He could definitely use some sort of helper animal.
To be fair, I was just getting the ensuing mauling on my camera phone.
Hahahaha, I promise but the guy over here is already trying to look inside his bag with a lighter.
Yeah, Lucas~ Giving US the Pokémon.
...Your sleeve's on fire.
If you make a ladies first joke I will pummel you.
Alright, well let's look at the starter monster choices for Diamond/Pearl and Platinum.
Turtwig bathes in sunlight and undertakes photosynthesis with its body, supplying nutrients for itself and making oxygen. Made from soil, Turtwig's shell hardens when it drinks water. On a very healthy Turtwig, the shell should feel moist. Similarly, the leaf on its head wilts if it is thirsty.
Choro Notes: Turtwig is a great choice as a starter. Its defensively pretty tough, though very slow. Not to mention that it's based on a snapping turtle and that's always awesome.
HutkaMatt Notes: Turtwig is the hippest and chillest of the starters this generation. Was the gen when I had to choose a starter pokemon I actually wanted the grass starter. I MEAN HE'S A GRASS TURTLE. TURTLES ARE FANTASTIC!!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT????
Chimchar adeptly scales sheer cliffs to live atop craggy mountains. Its fiery rear end is fueled by gas made in its belly. Even rain can't extinguish the fire. Before going to sleep, it extinguishes the flame on its tail to prevent fires. When in weak physical condition, the flame peters out.
Choro Notes: Chimchar is the fastest of the three sinnoh starter monsters. That's really all its got going for it until it evolves, though. Its also one of the few fire types available in Diamond/Pearl. Platinum added a few more nice additions to the pool. Fun if you like the idea that it's constantly fueling its ass flame with farts.
HulkaMatt Notes: Chimchar is a crazy monkey. I named mine after a wrestler. He would probably be more appealing to everybody else if he wore a black costume with an M on his head and faced a guy who sounded like Macho Man Randy Savage. HE'S AIGHT.
A poor walker, Piplup often falls down. However, its strong pride makes it puff up its chest without a care. Because of its extreme pride, it hates accepting food from people and often times will not follow commands given by its trainer. It lives along shores in northern countriesâ€”its thick down guards it from cold. A skilled swimmer, it can dive for over 10 minutes while hunting.
Choro Notes: Defensively moderate, Piplup's main strength is in its special attack... which means that until it learns a few special attacks you're just kinda making it girly slap things like the pompous lil nut that it is. They're pretty cute though, you gotta give em that.
HulkaMatt Notes: Piplup is a really good pokemon but extremely high maintenence-always makin' noise and runnin' all over the place. Prima donnas. When they evolve they finally get serious but holy shit are piplups needy. LIKE I'M SORRY, THEY JUST ARE. THE ANIME CONFIRMS THIS. AM I WRONG???
We're totally going with Turtwig for now because hey, Grass-type starter. That's somethin new.
Yeah, that figures.
What a horrible world we live in where tall grass is enough to ostracize us from most of civilization.
Bye, Professor! Thanks for the turtle that could take a limb off if I surprised it!
Gave me a guillotine-jawed turtle and you a farting monkey. Yep.
Why are you looking at me like that.
BUT. THOU. MUST.
Oh goddammit, I'm taking your hand off.
HE'S BLEEDING PRETTY BAD, JORGE! MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST CONCEDE.
Snapping turtles: The chimp's deadliest predator
Just put your monkey back in the ball and let's go home.
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